Julie was a sophomore at a small, private college. She had made the dean’s list last year and very much wanted to make it again this year, but her grades were slipping. She was missing classes more frequently because, as she told her friends and professors, she wasn’t feeling well.

When her mother arrived for Parents Weekend, Julie’s arm was in a sling. She said she injured it playing soccer. She’d be fine, she reassured her mother. Don’t worry so much.

As the two of them waited in Julie’s room for Sean to join them for lunch, Julie’s stomach began to ache with tension. She wanted the next few hours with her boyfriend and her mother to go well, but she never could tell what Sean’s mood would be these days.

It wasn’t long before Sean appeared at the door. He was charming and polite as he flashed his million dollar smile. It was his smile that had first caught Julie’s attention. Eventually it melted her heart, and she fell head over heels in love with him.

Of course all the attention was flattering. When they first met, Sean sent her cards and bought her stuffed animals and flowers. He even walked her to class ad waited for her at the dining hall so they could share mealtimes. She had never had so much attention in her life and she loved it–at first.

Julie breathed an inward sigh of relief when she saw Sean charming her mother the same way he had charmed her at the beginning of the semester. But just before they headed out for lunch, Sean said, “Julie, honey, why don’t you wear the blue sweater. I like the way it matches your eyes.”

She hated it when Sean told her what to wear, but she didn’t want a scene–not in front of her mom. She replied quietly, “Sure, it’ll just take me a minute to change.”

Julie’s mother was puzzled. When Julie was growing up, she was so independent she would never wear anything that Mom picked out for her. She wondered how on earth this young man could convince Julie to wear something of his choosing. It must be love, she thought to herself. She shrugged off the momentary discomfort she felt about the exchange.

Although Julie’s mother liked Sean, she had noticed other changes in her daughter. At last year’s Parents Weekend, Julie had introduced her to scores of friends. This year her attention seemed to be focused only on Sean. This was uncharacteristic of her friendly and outgoing daughter, but again, she shrugged it off as a symptom of “first love.” She was sure her daughter would reach out to friends again once the newness of the relationship wore off.

Unfortunately, Julie’s mother didn’t know that Sean was demanding that Julie spend all of her free time with him. He told Julie it was because he loved her and couldn’t bear to be separated from her. In reality, it was just another way he exerted subtle control over her.

Julie was in an abusive relationship. Underneath her turtleneck and long sleeves were the bruises from last week’s fight. Her sprained arm was a result of the battering she received at the hands of her “charming” boyfriend.

Once when Julie was in the women’s locker room, her best friend had noticed the bruises and asked about them. Julie said that soccer practice had been rough that week. She was too embarrassed to tell her friend that the bruises were from Sean.

As Julie told her lie, she inwardly shuddered as she remembered Sean’s anger the day he grabbed her arms, pushed her against the wall, and slapped her. He had become enraged when he caught her chatting with a male classmate.

Nothing she said could convince him that the guy was just a friend. She remembered Sean’s voice getting louder and louder until he was shouting and blaming her. If she hadn’t dressed in those tight jeans that day, the guy wouldn’t have come on to her, and then he wouldn’t have to get angry with her. It was all her fault, and she was getting what she deserved.

After that incident, just as with all the others, Sean was repentant and promised never to hit her again. He felt so badly over what he had said and done he actually cried. He said he didn’t know what he would do if she left him. Once when she had tried to end the relationship, he even threatened to kill himself. Julie couldn’t see a way out–she felt trapped.

She desperately wanted to help Sean and make it work. He was always so sorry and sincere whenever he apologized. She really did love him; and besides, she had been taught in church to turn the other cheek. She just never thought she would have to take that admonition quite so literally. So she worked very hard to forgive Sean.

Maybe it wasn’t really all that bad. After all, he didn’t hit her that often. If only she could figure out how not to make him angry, she’d be OK. Besides, if she left him, who would help him change? She was sure that if she hung in there and loved him enough, he would learn to control his temper. Julie wondered how something that had started off so perfectly could have become so confusing. She didn’t know what to do.

No one enters a romantic or dating relationship intending to be battered. Certainly that was not Julie’s intention. What had started out like a dream had become a nightmare. What had gone wrong?

Violence in intimate relationships is not uncommon. Statistics indicate that close to 4 million American women experience a serious assault by someone who said they loved them, and domestic and dating violence is not only physical abuse. And recent studies show that as many as one-third of teens experience abuse in a dating relationship. It can also be sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological abuse. It is actions–or threats of actions–meant to frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.

You may think that it will never happen to you because you aren’t poor or because you are well educated. The truth is domestic violence can happen to anyone of any age, race, sexual orientation, religion, gender, or socioeconomic background. It can happen to couples who are married, living together, or dating.*

How do you know if you’re in an abusive relationship? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. As college students, sometimes the teasing and horseplay that are part of dating relationships can turn into emotional abuse or physical violence. One minute you might be playfully wrestling with your boyfriend. The next minute he pins you to the wall, refusing to let you go until you are hurt or do as he wants. When you question him about it, he says he was just teasing. Listen to your own feelings; if you are hurt or feel humiliated, tell him. If he loves you, he will respect your feelings.

Sometimes violence can be sudden and unexpected. If your boyfriend has pushed, slapped, or threatened you when he’s angry, take it seriously even if you’ve not been injured. Don’t minimize the severity of his behavior. These actions show he’s willing to exert physical force to control you. Unless you make it absolutely clear you will not allow nor tolerate that kind of behavior, it may happen again.

If he has hit you even one time, he will need help learning to control his anger. An anger management class or a counselor can help him to make changes that will stop the violence.

Sometimes violent behavior occurs in relationships when drugs or alcohol are involved. You need to take the responsibility for protecting yourself and staying safe. Anger and alcohol are a dangerous mix, and he needs to get help. Stopping drinking and becoming involved in a 12-step program such as Alcoholics Anonymous are good first steps toward recovery.

Should you decide not to see your boyfriend until he learns to control his behavior and get help, make sure you mean what you say. Whenever you take a stand and don’t follow through, he gets the message you don’t mean what you say, and he won’t take anything you say seriously. Be sure your words have meaning and integrity.

It never occurred to Julie that she had been criminally assaulted by the same man who was now loving her. Julie had been taught to forgive those who sinned against her, and this was how she got hooked into the cycle. She would forgive Sean, stay in the relationship, and the cycle would begin all over again.

Christian forgiveness does not mean it is permissible for one person to assault another. Jesus may have encouraged his followers to forgive an infinite number of times, but he also spoke of a need for justice in a turbulent and violent world. He preached about caring for and protecting those who are powerless in the face of a violent society.

An abusive relationship is not normal. Domestic assault is a crime, and violence is a learned behavior. A man who is a batterer probably grew up in a home where he was physically or psychologically abused or where is father abused or dominated his mother. Abusers will not change their behavior until they learn another way of dealing with their anger, which probably won’t happen until they seek professional help.

In Sean and Julie’s case, the last time Sean apologized to her, it was in her hospital room as he was being arrested for assault.

If you know someone who is being abused, give her the number of the local women’s shelter or the toll-free number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). The Web site is www.ndvh.org. Help is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. For more information about Break the Cycle, log onto www.breakthecycle.org or call 1-888-988-8336 (TEEN).

Keep in touch with her because she is in danger. Although she may not realize it, she needs your support. Don’t abandon her.

Karla Kincannon is a United Methodist clergywoman and the author of the book, Creativity and Divine Surprise: Finding the Place of Your Resurrection (Nashville: Upper Room Books, 2005).

*SOURCES: Sheryl Cates, executive director, National Domestic Violence Hotline and Jessica Aronoff, executive director, Break the Cycle

8 Warning Signs of Abuse

• Name calling

• Ridiculing

• Isolation from friends/family

• Jealousy

• Controlling and possessive behavior

• Accusatory behavior

• Rages and breaking things

• Friends/family express concern

Students from United Methodist campus ministries at Emporia (Kan.) State University and Baker University in Baldwin City, Kan., cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Ala., site of a 1965 bloody civil rights confrontation. UMNS photos by Reed Galin.

For days, it has rained on Selma.

A foreboding, punishing kind of rain has swollen the Alabama River, turning it viscous with runoff silt.

But now, finally, a brilliant late afternoon sun has scrubbed the sky clear and casts a sharp image of the old Edmund Pettus Bridge on the milk-chocolaty water. Below the grand arched shape of the bridge superstructure, small shadows are moving across the bridge.

The images appear almost supernatural. Indeed, the ghostly, floating figures seem a little spooky if you know what happened here, and why the people casting silent dark images on muddy water have come to Selma from very far away.

They are students affiliated with the United Methodist campus ministry at Emporia State University, and Baker University in east Kansas, spending spring break tracing the civil rights struggle of the 1950s and ’60s. From Atlanta, where the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. first became a public figure… to Central High School in Little Rock, where forced desegregation began… and at various landmarks along the way, the students are engrossed by countless stories of heroism and horror.

They see where four girls were killed by a bomb at the 16th Avenue Church in Birmingham, Ala. In Montgomery, they visit King’s home and his Dexter Avenue Church, headquarters of the Montgomery bus boycott that sparked the movement after Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat.

Students visit the Civil Rights Memorial in Montgomery, Ala.

At the Civil Rights Memorial, students confront the fact that many innocent victims of those years were their own age. Baker University student Chevon Brown learns about 19-year-old Michael McDonald, kidnapped by the Klan in Mobile, killed and left hanging from a tree. Her eyes moisten as she tries to find a context for so much violence and hatred.

“It’s not fair,” she almost wails, surrendering any pretense at a more intellectual analysis, “to see what ordinary people went through. We hear about Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King but, I mean, this is the first I’ve ever heard about Michael McDonald. To see that people gave their lives for us to just take things for granted, it’s not fair, we owe them more than that.”

To Selma and back

By the time they get to Selma, the group has already traveled 1,500 miles from Kansas, across the South, and back. Emporia State campus minister and tour guide Kurt Cooper organized the trip as a means of exploring how a person’s spirituality can relate to justice and commitment in the real world. At a highway pit stop, Cooper fuels their borrowed church van and munches a peanut butter sandwich while explaining how the itinerary was planned.

“It gives them the scope of territory that Freedom Riders covered, and they’re traveling some of the same roads and hearing their stories,” he says. Students who have chosen to make this tour with him on previous breaks have changed their ideas about moral courage by the time they got back to Kansas, he adds.

“There’s something about standing on a corner in Selma, Ala. and walking across the Edmund Pettus Bridge that’s different from reading about it in a book. You know, pilgrimage is common to Christian experience in some ways, this is just taking that idea and putting it in a different context.”

The Pettus bridge — named for a Confederate Civil War general — is one of the most potent monuments of the struggle and the students have stopped here to walk in the steps of Civil Rights foot soldiers.

In March 1965, mostly African-American demonstrators set out from Selma to Montgomery marching for voting rights. They had only reached the far side of the bridge when set upon by Alabama state troopers and local deputies on horseback.

It is a dark corner of American history known as Bloody Sunday, and though the brutal forces of segregation punished the marchers that day, the resulting images shown around the world became a tipping point and convinced the U.S. government that institutionalized, “legally” protected segregation could no longer be tolerated. It provoked a flood of civil rights activists to come to the South and built critical momentum for change.

Winning voting rights

The Kansans visit the Voting Rights Museum at the foot of the bridge, where guide Sam Walker succinctly sums up the significance of Bloody Sunday and the march to Montgomery, which was later resumed with King and the protection of National Guard troops: “That march led to the signing of the Voting Rights Act, which was signed on August 6, 1965 by President Lyndon Johnson, which led to the election of President Barack Obama on November 4, 2008.”

Like many of the people they’ve met on the way, Walker lived the struggle. Eleven years old in 1965, he took his place in the picket lines. He tells the visitors he was twice arrested and “stuffed in a 12-foot-cell with 30 other people. When they came to punish protestors they didn’t say you’re 11, you can go back home and have your lunch. They made things miserable to try break your spirit.”

Emporia State student David Hopkins sits in the museum replica of that jail cell and considers the inhumanity, as he describes it, that he’s been wading in for a week.

Imagining what it would be like to be crammed in this cage for two days with dozens of other frightened and injured people, he laughs at the thought that he could be at the beach instead. “Yea, that’s fun, but it only lasts while you’re there,” says Hopkins. “The impact of what we have here is for a lifetime.”

After Selma, they continue on to the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tenn., where King was assassinated. Along the way, says Emporia State student Ashley Lee, they’ve had some conversations about contemporary parallels, issues of the spirit and societal prejudice… gays and lesbians in America… immigrant backlash… genocide in other parts of the world. Lee reflects her pastor’s goals in examining her own values when she says, “I definitely will not look at things the same after this.”

It’s not just history any more.

“They’re getting something that says ‘my faith isn’t just practiced on Sunday mornings, that my spiritual life is something that I take out into the world,’” Cooper says with quiet intensity. “To know you can plant seeds in people’s lives about justice and truth and righteousness is a really powerful thing.”

*Galin is a freelance producer based in Nashville, Tenn.

Virginia college students pick grapefruit at an orchard near Jacksonville, Fla., during a Society of St. Andrew Harvest of Hope project. UMNS photos by Megan Gross, Society of St. Andrew.

When James Hargraves got an e-mail from the Society of St. Andrew inviting him to participate in an alternative spring break, he eagerly signed up.

The Old Dominion University student has been participating in the society’s events since he was a high school freshman. Hargraves, a United Methodist, was one of two dozen Virginia college students who traveled March 4-18 to Jacksonville, Florida to pick produce to feed the hungry.

Each year in the United States, billions of pounds of fruit and vegetables remain in fields after the harvest. The non-profit Society of St. Andrew coordinates volunteers to pick some of this fresh food surplus and deliver it to families in need. “Honestly, I had no idea so much food was left over,” says Katie Thompson, a student at George Mason University.

On this “Harvest of Hope,” the crew is picking fresh broccoli, cabbage, and citrus fruits. Students search row after row of green leafy foliage for heads of cabbage… too small to go to market. Two-person crews chop the cabbage off the stalk and throw it onto a blue tarp hauled by another team. The tarp gets heavier and heavier as the pile grows bigger.

It is dirty, hard work under the Florida sun. “It gets a little hot. Sometimes it gets sweaty but you know I’m really enjoying the fact that I get to pick this and ship it off to kids,” says Bobby Barnes, a Northern Virginia Community College student.

Students learn that sharing resources is a solution to hunger during a hunger awareness meal.

Barnes has a personal reason for giving up a spring break of relaxation for volunteer work. He wants to help families like his own. “Right now my family is evicted and we are living in a hotel so hopefully when I get back we’ll get a house. Thank God that we have shelter and we are able to have food.”

Barnes points out that assistance from food pantries is usually in the form of canned goods and items like bread that is close to the expiration date. Fresh produce is a treat.

Some in this group know hunger on a much larger scale. Of the two dozen participants, almost a third are international students from Zimbabwe, Sierra Leone, Morocco, Ethiopia, and Bolivia. Givewell Muyaradzi is a graduate of United Methodist-related Africa University in Mutare, Zimbabwe. He is currently working on his second master’s degree from United Methodist-related Shenandoah University. “The food we waste here is enough to feed the people who are starving in Africa,” says Myaradzi.

In addition to the hours in the fields and orchards, students spend time in group discussions about the cause and scale of poverty and hunger in the United States and all over the world. “We learned so many things in a simple and fun way,” reports Kidist Grebeamlak, a Northern Virginia Community College student from Ethiopia.

“The food we waste here is enough to feed the people who are starving in Africa,” says Givewell Myaradzi, a Zimbabwean graduate student at United Methodist-related Shenandoah University.

Grebeamlak says she feels a sense of accomplishment in what this small group has done in one week’s time. She cannot wait to encourage her classmates to participate in future events, “I plan to write an article in the school newspaper and let them know that just by taking a few days away they can make a huge difference through Harvest of Hope.”

That huge difference is apparent in the numbers. In four days, these 22 students harvested 6 tons of broccoli, cabbage, and citrus fruits. That translates into 36,000 servings of fresh fruit and vegetables that will go directly to families. “They say the food we glean today will be on tables by night. Knowing that I have done this, that’s what really gets me going,” says Carmen Johnson.

Some say their faith brought them here. Others are interested in careers with non-profit agencies like the Society of St. Andrew. However, those like Thompson voice the same concern for others as their main motivation for giving up R&R time for a higher purpose. “I feel that we need to take care of this planet. I feel that we need to take care of our brothers and sisters. If we don’t, who will?”

*Marigza is a freelance producer in Nashville, Tenn.

Students socialize outside at Florida Southern University.

Failing to find the right balance of social life, work, and study may be the single most common mistake college freshmen make, according to campus ministers, chaplains, and student-life staff.

“Some students try to take on too much. They join every organization on campus and have a great time with the extra curricular activities but forget to go to class and study. Those students, if they don’t change their ways, don’t come back the next semester,” says the Rev. Leigh S. Martin, Reinhardt College chaplain.

On the flip side, other students do nothing outside of class or their room. The Rev. Betsy Eaves, chaplain at Centenary College in Shreveport, La., says involved students are better and happier students.

“We find that the most successful students are those who live on campus, get involved in campus activities, but don’t get involved in so much that they have little time to sleep or study. If they are involved in campus ministry programs, student-life activities or clubs, they have a chance to meet other students who then can become study partners and supportive friends,” Eaves said.

That balance includes not taking too heavy a load, not working so many hours that work interferes with classes, and staying on campus.

“Frequently going home or leaving campus on weekends is not a good idea,” said Annie Laurie Cadmus, coordinator of student activities at Green Mountain College.

Martin agrees.

“Your parents and high school friends want to see you, but pick and choose weekends to stay on campus and make new friends and a new home,” she said.

Partying too much means students will not be in any shape for classes.

“Seems obvious, but it’s a trap many freshmen are eager to fall into,” says Naomi Ramon Krzyzaniak, girls’ chaplain for Ecuminical Ministries on the campus of Saginaw Valley State University.

The Rev. Mike Lavelle, United Methodist campus minister and an adjunct professor at Western New Mexico University, said those students often pay the price with failing grades or even having to drop out.

“Often they wait until it’s too late, and they try hard to catch up – which usually doesn’t work or if it does, now they have a D or an F in the class when a little time management and goal setting would have easily helped them earn a B.”

Good sleep habits are part of the balance, too, said the Rev. Eric Doolittle, chaplain at Hiwassee College. “With the availability of 24-hour entertainment, especially online gaming and chat rooms, many of my students try to get by on four hours of sleep or less. While college students have always been sleep deprived during stressful times of the year such as finals week, today’s students push themselves all the time.”

Doolittle recalled a student who suddenly seemed to disappear, missing three weeks of classes. “Since he preferred late nights, and the Internet access was smoother in the wee hours, he had taken to going to bed at 8 p.m., waking up at 3 a.m., and then running his day from that time,” he said. But when the student caught a bug and became ill, he ended up sleeping from 5 a.m. to 3 p.m. and missing all his classes.

Students who excelled in high school take college academics for granted, said the Rev. Glenn Tyndall, director of the Wesley Foundation at Virginia Tech.

“There is no one to remind them to study and not fall behind. There is increased peer pressure to stay up late, party, use alcohol, and a huge problem on most campuses – video games! My advice is always – get off to a good start, since you will always have to average this first semester into your overall GPA. Sadly, this advice most often falls on deaf ears,” Tyndall said.

Several campus ministers said students let their spiritual life slide.

“Many students do academic, social, and extracurricular activities but forget spiritual development and growth,” said Scott Parish, director of the Augusta State Wesley Foundation. In addition, he sees some students who become so absorbed in their own lives that they neglect “giving a helping hand to others.”

David Hindman, Wesley Foundation at The College of William and Mary, said students put prayer, Bible study, worship, and community service on the back burner. “When spiritual struggles occur, they try to solve them on their own or drop out of their faith community because they (wrongly) think everyone there already has things figured out,” Hindman said.

Eric Van Meter, director of the Wesley Foundation at Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, Ark., said it is easy for students to lose sight of God in college.

“Most local churches, at least in my experience, do a poor job of connecting with college students, and many denominations are pulling out of campus ministries. That means it’s harder than ever for young adults to find a place where they can explore their changing relationship with God and with the church. But those opportunities are still out there, if students will look,” Van Meter said.

The Rev. Mary Haggard, executive director of the Wesley Foundation Campus Ministry at the University of Delaware, says students should remember to include God in their weekly plans. “I know your parents aren’t there to wake you up to go to church, but if God was a part of your life before college, God should still be a part of it now,” Haggard said.

Hindman also said freshmen are often afraid to go to a professor for help. “Or they assume the professor won’t be able to relate to their situation,” he said.

Eaves said most professors are helpful when student come to them concerned about their work. “Most, but not all, professors appreciate students who are trying. And it can make a big difference to a professor when the student is on the line between grades. If they know the student personally and recognize their efforts, they are positively influenced by that,” Eaves said.

A number of campus ministers said debt can be a crushing problem for students who are not accustomed to budgeting and find themselves bombarded with credit card offers when they enter college.

“Some students sign up for credit cards from the vendors on campus because of the free gifts they offer. Too often they end up with big credit card debt,” said the Rev. Mary Kay Will, United Methodist campus minister at California State University-Long Beach. Credit card debt prompted the student government at CSU-Long Beach to ban credit card vendors from campus.

Van Meter said a credit card is great if students pay it off every month, but is a serious problem if they do not. “A friend of mine is 36 and still paying off tacos he bought in college. Seriously,” Van Meter says.

Students are often on their own financially for the first time, and they don’t know how to live on a budget, so they run out of money before the month is out. Many colleges offer budgeting classes or financial counseling.

Freshmen tend to jump into too much, too soon – falling in love with the first person they date, declaring a major too soon without exploring other options, trying to work a full-time job while still studying, taking classes and having a full social life.

Haggard says many students get too wrapped up in the dating scene.

“You have plenty of time to find him or her. CHILL! Just because you haven’t found the woman/man of your dreams during Freshmen Orientation does not mean that you’ll never date again.”

Brown is associate editor and writer, Office of Interpretation, General Board of Higher Education and Ministry.

In the online world of Facebook, “religious views” are listed as just another characteristic on a person’s profile, along with their name, school, sex, birthday and hometown.

David Rempfer, a junior at the University of Kentucky, believes being a Christian calls for more than just typing the word into a Facebook profile. Rempfer says living a Christian lifestyle that reflects discipleship should include how students portray themselves on online social networks.

“Facebook is just like any other major social ‘common ground’ . . . its atmosphere depends on how you use it,” says Rempfer, a United Methodist involved in the University of Kentucky’s Wesley Foundation. “It can be positive or negative, uplifting or defeating, moral and humorous or perverted and slanderous and gossip-filled.”

For example, one Facebook profile shows a male student from a Northeastern college who identifies himself as a Christian while his profile picture shows him with bottles of rum. At another university in the South, a female student declares “Jesus loves me, this I know” on her profile. But her favorite quotes are laced with profanity.

“It stuns me that the majority of students who claim to be Christians on Facebook are either so apathetic that it makes Jesus look powerless and boring, or else every bit as lost as the rest of the world, which makes Jesus look fake,” Rempfer says.

The power of Facebook

Facebook is part of a college student’s daily routine, just as surely as classes, naps, and midnight runs for pizza and doughnuts. It is a way to socialize without ever leaving your dorm room or apartment. A profile helps to paint a picture of the student by listing interests, favorite movies, music, books, television shows, and quotes, as well as displaying personal photos.

According to a 2007 poll of approximately 3,000 18- to 24-year-olds by Harvard’s Institute of Politics, 75 percent reported they have Facebook accounts and use the online social network on a daily basis.

Skip Robins, a United Methodist student at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, says he checks his Facebook several times a day, “more than I probably should. . . . I do indeed find it hard to log off.”

Robins agrees that Facebook entries by Christians can do as much to turn people off to Christianity as to witness to an authentic faith. “I feel like some people put ‘Christian’ as a default religion, not knowing where they truly stand,” says Robins, a senior.

Believers like Rempfer and Robins see Facebook as a place to share their Christian faith, not necessarily by giving a preachy testimony in the “About Me” section, but rather by reflecting their beliefs and character through the words, photos, and descriptions that they use.

Robins began a Facebook group titled ‘College United Methodists’ hoping it could serve as a support and discussion group about personal struggles, as well as a venue to talk about current issues from a Christian perspective. “I think it is a great way to meet fellow Christians in your school network and to keep people posted on your faith journey, highs and lows,” he says.

A new tool

Christian campus organizations are also increasingly using Facebook as a communications tool and a platform to reach other students.

This past winter, April Casperson, coordinator of recruitment at the Methodist Theological School of Ohio, asked her whole seminary community to join Facebook to help recruit potential students. “I can invite many people to events and seminars on campus, as well as within the United Methodist Church, with a minimum of work,” she says.

And Casperson can learn more about prospective students, personalizing the way she reaches them.

Jan Rivero, the United Methodist campus minister at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, agrees. “It is also a good way to track and monitor students about whom I have a concern.”

Rivero, who joined Facebook after hearing about it from her own students, acknowledges that while Facebook can be useful for both students and organizations, the anonymous nature of the World Wide Web makes it ripe for abuse.

“There is a sense in which students sort of disconnect, failing to understand that just because it is cyberspace does not mean there are not very real ramifications,” says Rivero. “But mostly what bothers me is the false sense of belonging that it offers. People really feel as though they have friends when they do not, as though they are part of something larger than themselves, which is illusory, as though they are part of a community, which is only virtual, not real.”

Both college students and those in campus ministry agree Facebook is not a replacement for personal contact.

“It is a good place and way to get some thought-provoking theological discussions going. But it is a poor substitute for being in true community where you are held accountable and watched over in Christian love,” says Rivero.

Rempfer puts it simply. “The Internet won’t do what living life out together does,” he says.

This article first appeared on www.ExploreCalling.org and is used by permission.

*A 19-year-old United Methodist student at Western Kentucky University, Aldrich is studying in England this fall.

Chains of love at Seoul's Namsan Tower. Young couples show their love for each other by locking a pair of padlocks to this fence.

Perhaps the most terrifying and exhilarating part of being an adult is finding the love of your life. The pressures are enormous! Go to a movie, watch some TV, turn on the radio, and flawless people are falling blissfully in love. If this hasn’t happened to you, you may be wondering–why not? If you have fallen in love, you may find it’s not that perfect. Being in a relationship is trickier than it is portrayed in songs or on screen.

Not only from the outside world, but even inside yourself, you may be getting mixed messages. Your head tells you that someone might not be a good match for you. Your heart says that you’d like to give this a try.

Then your body turns on you! Scientists report that the feelings associated with love involve complex chemical reactions. The hypothalamus region of your brain releases neurotransmitters, giving you a rush. These internal chemicals, combined with hormones, may leave you feeling intoxicated. This is why merely seeing someone you like can cause your heart to race, your stomach to churn, and your tongue to get all tied up. It can be very confusing.

On top of all this, playing the dating game can feel like a maze of paradoxes. You are expected to be inviting, but discriminating; gentle, but strong; accommodating, but assertive. How can you possibly create a fabulous relationship when there’s so much to deal with at the same time?

Relax–and try a few simple guidelines.

Slow Down!

The first is to take it easy. You probably want to get married at some point, but it need not be now. Some people date in high school or college. Others hang out in groups until well after graduation and then begin dating oneonone. Don’t set deadlines for yourself. Just stay open to the possibilities and proceed with care.

R-e-s-p-e-c-t

Before you start a relationship, there is a crucial entry point. You must begin with self-respect. Unless you love yourself, you cannot truly love someone else. This may sound like a cliché, but it’s true. If you don’t value yourself enough to think that you are worthy of love, you will subconsciously find someone who treats you poorly.

Clearly, this is not the way to go. If you feel that you are in danger of heading down this path, first take a detour. Look at how your friends see you. What do they find in you that is special? You might read some books on self-esteem or self-care. If you have some problems to sort through, you might decide to talk to a trained professional.

Your campus minister or chaplain can help, and they can also put you in contact with other counseling resources. Tackling tough issues is never easy, but it is necessary if you want to have a fabulous relationship.

A lot of college students meet their future boyfriend or girlfriend through freshman orientation, campus clubs, volunteer projects, at work, through friends or roommates, in class, at parties, or through fraternities or sororities. Some college students first encounter the person they will date through church or their campus ministry program. These are all natural places to discover someone whose interests, friends, or values are similar to yours.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Two places where people meet are riskier and can even be dangerous. Be cautious if you find yourself falling for someone you meet at a bar or on the Internet. This is not to say that these locales are filled with wickedness; it’s just that you may not be seeing the “real” person in those places. At a bar, a person can use whatever lines they think you want to hear. On the Internet, what someone says may or may not be reality. People do meet at these places and go on to have happy relationships, but you really have to be extra careful.

So, let’s say you meet someone and feel a strong attraction. It may be her smile, his appearance, her intelligence, or his sense of humor. Perhaps you are introduced, and there is instant chemistry. Maybe you have been friends for awhile, but you’ve started thinking that you would like to be romantically involved with this person. Either way, someone has to take the first step.

Finding the Courage

If you look like a supermodel, maybe you will have no problem getting that certain someone interested in you. But for the rest of us mere mortals, asking someone out on a date can take a lot of courage. Make it easy on yourself. Casually suggest meeting for coffee. Invite that special someone to go to a campus event with you and a group of friends. This arrangement, especially for a first date, can take off a lot of the pressure and let you relax enough to be yourself.

Once you’ve met someone whom you really like and who really likes you, the two of you will naturally start spending time together. Besides movies or parties, you might suggest playing tennis, going to a school game, or studying together. You find yourself wanting to confide in him or her.

While you appreciate sharing common interests, you both need to have your own separate friends, activities, and goals as well. You support each other as you take on challenges, whether it is writing a paper, trying out for the track team, or going abroad for a semester of study. You feel encouraged to learn and grow with someone who shares pride in your accomplishments.

True Love

When the relationship starts to get more serious you need to realize that true love is not found as much as it is created. Unlike the scripted shows where lasting romance magically happens, people in real life who are in joyful relationships put a lot of time and effort into them. Once there is someone with whom you share a deep mutual affection, there are some skills and tools that can help you build a terrific relationship.

Don’t Point Fingers

The most important relationship skill is open and honest communication. But communication alone is not enough. For example, someone who throws a dish or screams a curse or slams a door is communicating very clearly, but it’s not helpful. In fact, it’s destructive, dangerous–and if the abuse continues to escalate–illegal.

To communicate well, you need to be responsible for your own feelings. When a couple is getting along, there’s no problem. But when a conflict arises, our human tendency is to blame the other person.

Some people do this silently, pretending that everything is fine while resentment is building up. Without realizing it, they expect the other person to read their mind.

Another response to conflict is to lash out with accusations. Inevitably, that person feels attacked and wants to protect herself or himself by fighting back. Have you ever noticed that when you point a finger of blame at someone, your other fingers are pointing back at you?

Instead of trying to ignore a problem or overreacting, first think about what you are feeling, and why it makes you upset. Statements such as, “I wish you would call me more. When I don’t hear from you I feel like you don’t care.” Or “I feel like I need to let you know where I am all the time and that makes me uneasy” can lead to a helpful conversation. Talking this way is sometimes called using “I” statements.

This may seem artificial at first, and it requires more reflection than forcefully speaking your mind. However, communicating responsibly addresses difficult issues constructively and leads to better understanding.

The Green-Eyed Monster

If you are unable to be honest with each other, your relationship is heading for trouble. Another warning sign is a lack of trust, which translates into jealousy and a desire to control the other person. The consequences of being involved with someone who has an explosive temper, abuses alcohol or drugs, or is physically violent or emotionally cruel, are disastrous. Don’t think: “I can change him,” or “She needs me to save her.” It’s not your job to be their savior. Someone with serious problems will only change their behavior if they want to, and usually when they get professional help.

Seek Expert Advice

We usually don’t consider Jesus a love-life expert, but he has some valuable advice to offer here. Think of it this way: How would you feel if the person you’re dating told you that your laugh is annoying?

What if he acted annoyed or threatened when you phone your friends? On the other hand, what if she was glad to meet your friends and go out with them, just like you were with hers?

Jesus teaches us to treat other people the way we want to be treated (Luke 6:31). This is critical to all human relationships intimate or casual. Be kind to someone and almost always you will find that the kindness comes back to you. Treat someone with caring honesty, and you should expect and receive the same.

A fabulous relationship may seem rare, mysterious, and elusive; but it’s really pretty straightforward. Simple values such as truthfulness, consideration, trust, and loyalty can lead you to joy and love. And remember that God is with you on this wondrous adventure of the heart!

Julie Faith Parker, a United Methodist pastor and former campus minister, is currently a Ph.D. student in Old Testament at Yale University.

Finding the Love of Your Life

You know that phase of a relationship when you think that the other person might be “the one?” You’re not quite sure, but then a moment strikes you out of the blue, and you realize that this person is so special you’re not going to let this one get away.

I had a moment like this a few years ago. On this particular night, I was walking down Broadway in New York City with the man I was dating. We were holding hands on a street corner, waiting for the light to change. Very abruptly, he let go of my hand and ran into the street. In the dark I hadn’t noticed, but there was a homeless person lying in the middle of the road. My date put himself between the homeless man and an oncoming car, stopping the car and saving a stranger’s life. I thought to myself, “That’s some guy.”

When life gives you a moment like that, you remember. The Bible gives its romantic heroes chances to shine, too. In Genesis 29:1-12, we read the story of Jacob meeting Rachel. They first encounter each other at the ancient equivalent of a bar–the place where men and women came together–the well. Flocks are gathering, waiting for the stone to be rolled away to reveal the water source. Usually shepherds (plural) rolled the stone away (v. 3), but Jacob sees Rachel and is out to impress. He rolls the stone away himself (v. 10). Then he kisses Rachel and weeps aloud, for the sheer joy of having kissed her (v. 11). The actions say it all–this man is in love!

The story of Jacob and Rachel is both romantic and insightful, just like my night walking down Broadway years ago. As for that guy who saved the homeless man’s life? I married him.

Union University sophomore Jordan Thompson is interviewed by a reporter the day after an F-4 tornado destroyed his dorm on the campus in Jackson, Tenn., burying Thompson for three hours in the rubble. UMNS photos by Sherry Thompson.

JACKSON, Tenn. (UMNS)– Buried for three hours under tons of rubble left by an F-4 tornado, Jordan Thompson found new brothers and a deeper belief in God.

“I’d have given up, 100 percent given up, without my faith,” said Thompson, a member of Germantown (Tenn.) United Methodist Church, of his entrapment after a twister leveled his two-story dormitory at Union University in Jackson.

The 20-year-old sophomore had sought refuge on his dorm’s bottom floor, along with six other male students, as a storm system roared through Jackson on Feb. 5. When a tornado bounced across the 1,100-student campus, it destroyed much of Union’s student housing, including Adams Hall where Thompson lived.

Only seconds after Thompson and his classmates took shelter, the ceiling and walls came crashing down. The young men were trapped underneath the wreckage, scarcely able to breathe.

“I couldn’t move,” Thompson recalled. “I could pick my head up maybe two to three inches. My legs were tucked up under me and I was face down.” He remained in that position for three hours until rescuers pulled him through a small hole in the rubble.

During those three hours, Thompson and the other young men forged a bond. “I’ll never forget what we said to each other while we were under there,” he said. “We’re brothers now.”

Waiting for rescue

They prayed for each other and recited Scripture while waiting for rescue. “There’s no way not to see God’s hand on us,” he said quietly. “We’re all alive … and that makes no sense without God in the picture.

“I won’t say we didn’t falter at all, but I was never mad at God or asking why He had put me there. I knew I was there to help the other guys. If we had been alone, I don’t think any of us would have gotten out. Sometimes one of us would say, ‘I’m slipping, I’m going!’ but God gave us the strength to help by talking to them.”

The students yelled for help as they were able, but the pressure of the rubble made it impossible for some of them to speak. Thompson was able to hold onto the hand of one of the more severely injured students, Jason Kaspar. “He was having trouble breathing, crushed by stuff, and from the dust and insulation in the air,” Thompson said. “I told him to squeeze my hand once in a while so I’d know he was OK.”

Though he could not call anyone, Thompson managed to free his cell phone and flip it open to use the light to see Kaspar’s face. “I kept checking; I was afraid he was gone,” recalled Thompson.

More than 1½ hours after the tornado hit, the students’ pleas for help were heard and rescuers began digging through the crumpled building. Amazingly, Thompson walked away with only cuts and bruises. Three others have been released from the hospital and the last three–Kaspar, Matt Kelley and David Wilson–continue to be in serious condition.

“One may be in the hospital for two months. Several have been on dialysis. They’re not 100 percent out of the woods yet, but the doctors say they should make a full recovery,” said Thompson.

Thompson spoke with United Methodist News Service by telephone from his home in Collierville, a town just outside of Memphis, following his rescue. He and his family keep daily contact with the other students who were trapped.

“What we said to each other during those hours, it’s emotional. I’ll never forget it. We’re brothers now. And I’ll never be the same. I’ve seen the love God has for His children.”

Classes to resume

A private school affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention, Union closed its campus to begin a massive cleanup. School officials announced Feb. 13 that classes will resume Feb. 20 as displaced students secure housing elsewhere. The university will hold a school-wide worship service Feb. 19 in G.M. Savage Chapel.

Thompson, who plays on the men’s soccer team at Union, plans to return and wants to be a part of the Union family even more now, said his father. “He already has gotten his new room assignment and definitely will be back,” said Dave Thompson. “I think he has a bond that has truly changed him.”

Like other parents, the elder Thompson is both amazed and grateful that Union was spared of any fatalities. About 50 students were hospitalized and hundreds displaced. “When you think that there were 1,100 students on that campus, you can only say that it was the grace of God that no one was killed. It was a miracle,” he said.

*Farmer is director of communications for the Memphis Annual (regional) Conference of The United Methodist Church.

Complex characters, bizarre plot twists, shocking true stories–an international best seller? You bet. It is the Bible!

The list of books you will be required to read for your English literature class will not include this classic, but it is one of the most read books of all times. It has been translated into more than 1,000 languages and can be found in many different versions.

Whether you approach this book as a daily companion or even if you have never read it, the Bible is a book worth looking into.

Written over a period of 1,000 years, the Bible provides readers with a wealth of literary styles. This anthology of 66 books contains historical narratives, poetry, prose, legal codes, philosophy, and more.

This blockbuster presents readers with some pretty outlandish folks. Characters found in these stories deal with all sides of life–joy and pain, love and hate, trust and betrayal, envy, faithfulness, faithlessness, fear, obedience, and disobedience.

Some of the life situations found in the pages of this book would boost the ratings of the Ricki Lake or Jerry Springer shows! Get a Bible, and read for yourself.

• Here are three examples:
• A man pretends to be his older twin to obtain the blessing of their blind, soon-to-die, elderly father (Genesis 27:18-40).
• An unwed teenager, who claims to be a virgin, is pregnant with a child that was not fathered by the man to whom she is engaged (Luke 1:26-35; Matthew 1:18-20).
• A king sleeps with a beautiful, married woman who becomes pregnant with his child while her soldier-husband is away at war. Eventually, the king arranges for his lover’s husband to be sent to the front line so he will be killed (2 Samuel 11:2-27).

Maybe you think of the Bible as just some old book full of dead people. Well, not all of them–two came back from the dead! (Matthew 28:1-10; Luke 24:1-12; John 11:1-44, 20:1-10).

The Bible has been called a subversive and revolutionary book. Although it has been used to enslave and subordinate–the Bible is still liberating people today.

One thing is for sure, the Bible is not about perfect people who lived lives free from pain, heartache, intrigue, envy, or greed. They are regular people like you, your classmates, professors, and family members. Beginning with the first page of Genesis and ending on the last page of Revelation, the Bible recounts God’s love for humanity and God’s saving action on behalf of God’s beloved people.

The Bible tells the story of God’s initiating relationships with humans, of humans running from God, and God’s intentional and unrelenting pursuit of them–of us.

The Bible, a book made up of many books, is the combination of writings of Jewish and Christian communities. The Old Testament–also known as the Old Covenant or the Hebrew Bible–tells of the promise or agreement God made with the ancient Hebrew people. In the Old Testament, God promises to bless the Hebrew people and requests their faithful devotion to God. The New Testament (New Covenant) communicates the culmination of the Old Testament promises in the birth, life, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth.

Why read the Bible? Because it is our story and your story. Take a closer look. The people who populate this book are like you and me–headstrong, creative, ambitious, and flawed. The characters in the Bible are persons with whom God desires to have an intimate relationship.

Everyone in the big book has a habit from running from God–as we do today. Just as God invited those in the Bible on a journey of blessings, deliverance, protection, and love, God offers us the same invitation.

You may find the “thees” and “thous” of the King James Version hard to relate to. If you do, there are many different translations of the Bible. With so many versions available, it may be difficult to decide which one to use. Some versions to investigate are the King James, New King James, the Contemporary English, the New Revised Standard, the Revised Standard, and Today’s English Version.

Try reading a passage from two or three versions to note differences and benefit from different translators’ attempts to communicate an ancient story to contemporary people.

Look at various translations and determine which one is most easily understood and which one speaks to you. There will continue to be updated versions of the Bible because as human society changes, so does the way that humans communicate. Look for The Message: The New Testament in Contemporary Language by Eugene H. Peterson. This text communicates the story in language that is easy to understand.

Here are some suggestions for reading the Bible:

• Pray and ask God to help you to engage with the passage. Allow yourself to hear, taste, and smell the scenes in the passage. What was community life like?
• If the text features more than one person, read it a few times, each time approaching the text from a different character’s perspective. Experience the emotions and thoughts of the characters.
• Meditate on the text by reading it more than one time. What words or thoughts catch your attention?
• Some questions that might help in reading the Bible are: What does the scripture say about God? What does this text say about humanity? What does the passage say about the relationship between God and humanity? What does it say to you?
• Consider the text from these three perspectives: what it says, what it means, and what it means for us.

Reading the literary classics for class assignments often requires more than a cursory reading. For optimal comprehension multiple readings are often necessary. Of course, you need to know more about the context of the characters and the writer. What was life like for the original readers? What issues are addressed in the text? To get the most out of Bible reading, one needs to read and study it. Each reading of even familiar passages can result in new insights. Allow yourself to wrestle with the text!

Hear God, through the pages of the Bible, invite you into an intimate, personal relationship with the creating, redeeming, and sustaining God. It is this God who created the earth, the universe, and you. Once you have been engaged with the scriptures, you will be better prepared to converse with others about them. And you will be less likely to be at the mercy of people who might try to influence or intimidate you with their interpretations.

A good Bible commentary and Bible dictionary will be helpful in understanding what you’re reading. Bible commentaries provide insight into background information of the text–history, literary styles, geography, worldviews, and more.

Bible dictionaries help contemporary readers understand words in their ancient meanings. Don’t feel you have to buy them; you can find them in the library.

So, while you are reading for your history, philosophy, or lit. classes, don’t forget to read the classic of all literary classics. It doesn’t require much time.

Reading the Bible for just 15 minutes a day will open you up to a whole new world. If you want a Bible or are interested in attending a Bible study offered by the campus ministry, contact your campus minister or chaplain.

Lillian C. Smith is associate general secretary, Division of Youth and Young Adults, United Methodist General Board of Discipleship.

Illustration by Sharon Anderson

What complicates your life? Family expectations, your own expectations, roommates? Papers, exams, junk mail, e-mail? Keeping up with the latest fashion can be a full-time job. Holidays, extracurricular activities, class schedules, work schedules, can fill any calendar to the brim. Worry, fear, and anxiety can make any situation seem 10 times worse. Many things complicate our lives. Juggling schedules and commitments and trying to find meaning in the midst of all the madness can push a person to the limit.

Malik was at the end of his rope. Academically, it had been a hard semester; he needed a break. However, when he finished his last, grueling exam of the semester there was no sense of relief. Only three shopping days until Christmas and he had not yet begun to think about presents for his family or friends. The pressure was on.

After a trip to the local mall, Malik was even more stressed. Holiday shoppers frantically grabbed up shiny gadgets and expensive clothing in hopes of crossing off another person from their shopping list. Christmas carols bellowed over loudspeakers as cranky children whined and tugged at their parents’ pant legs. Shopping on a student’s budget was no fun.

Tired of being beaten out of parking spaces by aggressive drivers, tired of feeling frustrated by the long lines at the cash registers, and tired of feeling as if the meaning of Christmas had been strangled out of his life by stress, Malik got in his car and headed for a quiet place to sort things out.

The campus ministry center at his school had always been a place where Malik could begin to reclaim a sense of peace and get some perspective on life. He wasn’t disappointed. Walking in the door he saw a poster with a picture of Santa by the manger. The caption read, “Whose Birthday Is It Anyway?” The message hit home. He wanted to do something meaningful this Christmas, something that focused on God’s love and not the commercialism the holiday had come to embody.

In conversation with the campus minister, Malik found out about alternative, less materialistic ways of celebrating the birth of Christ. Instead of spending money on gifts people wouldn’t use and didn’t need, Malik decided to donate his hard-earned money to his family’s favorite charity. He also decided to write each one of them a letter, telling them how important they are to him.

For his friends, he made coupons they could redeem during the school year. The coupons had promises of services that Malik would render. He promised to wash his best friend’s car, and cook a romantic dinner for his girlfriend. He offered to clean his roommate’s side of the room for two weeks. He liked the idea of giving of himself much better than buying things nobody needed. This was going to be a good Christmas after all.

Kendra had always lived at a fast pace. She was quick to say yes to invitations to parties and extracurricular activities. Her GPA was strong; studying came easy to her. Kendra bubbled over with a contagious enthusiasm for life. People wanted to be around her. On her small campus, she was involved in many clubs and organizations, and she soon rose to leadership positions. It wasn’t long before everyone knew her name.

In her sophomore year, Kendra began to feel a little overwhelmed by her schedule. She had so many obligations that she often didn’t begin to study until late at night, scrimping on sleep to keep her grades strong. The pace of her life was leaving her harried and scattered.

Signs of stress began to show. She felt tired all the time, she caught colds easily, and she no longer enjoyed many of the activities she used to love. Her life was too busy, and keeping up such a hectic pace no longer seemed worth it. Trying to do everything made it impossible for her to enjoy any of it.

Things finally came to a head for Kendra in the Covenant Discipleship group her college chaplain led. One of the members was sharing from Thomas Kelly’s Testament of Devotion:

“We have hints that there is a way of life vastly richer and deeper than all this hurried existence, a life of unhurried serenity and peace and power. If only we could slip into that Center.”

Kendra started to cry. She wanted that sense of peace she used to have. She would do anything to “slip into that Center,” but she didn’t know how to get there. Her life felt complicated and out of control. Kendra’s friends in the CD group rallied around her. They prayed for her and handed her tissues. Her chaplain talked to her about being a good steward of her time and about learning to be selective about her involvement in activities. The group discussed how to make good decisions about the use of time.

Kendra confessed, “I usually decide whether to do something by how it will make me look. I say yes to things because I want people to like me. I always pray about my decisions, but I never ask what God wants me to do. Maybe I can learn to listen to God first.”

Before the CD group meeting was over, Kendra had made the decision to resign from three clubs and take the following Saturday to goof-off–something she hadn’t done in a long time. She also signed up for the religious life retreat on simplicity. She knew this was just the beginning of learning to live life in a new way, and she wanted to find out how to do it.

Matt loved to look good; his image was important. He wore the latest styles and the most popular name brands. If Matt didn’t look good, he didn’t feel good. Whenever he felt down, Matt went shopping. The purchase of a new sweater or shirt usually could improve his spirits. Matt’s closets were crammed with sweaters, shirts, and slacks–more than he could use in two lifetimes. He owned more than 20 pairs of jeans alone. Lately, however, even his successful shopping trips left him feeling empty.

One night, Matt’s roommate invited him to a dinner and program at the Wesley Foundation. Never being one to turn down a free meal, Matt agreed to go. That night’s program was “Waking Up From the American Dream that More Is Better.” The guest speaker began by saying, “We are plagued by the passion to accumulate. Our undisciplined craving for more tells us that we are not good enough without the newest gadget, latest model automobile, or someone else’s name on our clothing. In our culture, we define people by what they do, what they have, or what they make. However, the church tells us a different message–a better message. As Christians, we know our worth is determined by God and God alone. Furthermore, life is a gift. All we are and all we have belongs to God.”

Matt was hooked. He liked what he was hearing. He sensed there was new freedom for him in the program leader’s words. The speaker continued by saying that the good life which puts God and God’s creation first is not the “goods” life in which material possessions come first. “We cannot live by bread alone,” he said, referring to the temptations of Jesus. “Material things are not bad or inherently evil. God has given us the material world to enjoy, but material things are limited in their goodness. We know adequate provision makes the difference between a good life and a life of hardship and misery. Misery, however, also comes from having too much. When we try to find meaning in possessions, we wind up empty. Only God can give us meaning and purpose.”

Matt felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. It was as if the speaker was directing the comments to him. His heart raced; he could hear it pounding in his ears. Was this why he was feeling so empty? Could he have been trying to find meaning for his life based on the way he dressed? Matt had gone to church all his life, but had never considered the way he dressed and shopped to be of concern to God.

After the program was over, Matt sought out the campus minister. He needed some answers to his questions. The campus minister invited Matt to join a spiritual formation group, a weekly gathering of eight students who sought to know God’s will and desire for their lives. He figured he had nothing to lose and everything to gain so he accepted the invitation.

What do these students have in common? Some aspect of their lives had become unbalanced, constrained, and complicated. Their way of living was no longer life giving. Each student wanted a simpler way, a way that leads to peace, power, and enjoyment of life. The answer to their problems was not found in a fad but in their faith. The Christian faith teaches that only simplicity can free us from the growing demands on our lives, whether those demands be self-inflicted or external.

Simplifying one’s lifestyle is a growing trend in our culture. People today yearn for a less complicated life, one that focuses on relationships instead of money, on quality and not quantity, on compassion instead of greed. In Living the Simple Life, Elaine St. James says, “According to a survey conducted by the Merck Family Fund, 28 percent of working adults said they had voluntarily reduced their income in the last five years because of changes in their priorities.” Americans are waking up to the fact that less is sometimes more as individuals seek a simpler way.

Simplicity is a teaching which is deeply rooted in our faith tradition and Jesus is the primary example of simple living. He puts people ahead of schedules, laws, rituals and possessions. He shows us the way to peace and freedom by seeking God first. (Matt. 6:33) But living a simple life looks different in an age of microwaves and cell phones than it did in Jesus’ day. There are no easy answers to Christian simplicity. Paradoxically, it is a complex issue that takes into account our complicated lifestyles. If simplicity becomes a set of rules, it will lead us into bondage instead of closer to God. Like the Pharisees who turned religion into a set of laws, if we turn simplicity into legalisms, it will kill our spirit. Living the simple life will be different for each person, since each one of us is different. God does not call us all to live on wild honey and locusts. Instead God takes into account our differences and calls to us to simplify in those areas which will bring us wholeness, peace, and fulfillment.

Simplifying is not about getting rid of everything; it is about making choices. It is about consciously choosing to live life more simply, and that is work! It is this work that makes simplicity a spiritual discipline.

However, no matter how many possessions we give to the poor or how many appointments we refuse to schedule, what we do does not give us simplicity of the heart. Our actions simply put us in a place to receive the gift of a simple heart. This is very much like prayer. Prayer, as any spiritual discipline, puts us in a place where God can change our lives. It is God who changes us by grace; it is not by our efforts alone. Simplicity is granted by God. It is something we cannot earn.

Even the desire to live a simpler life is a gift from God.

If you have that desire, know that God placed it in your heart. You did not do it of your own accord. Will power will not transform our hearts, only God can do that. But when God calls, God gives us the power to respond.

Remaining single-hearted in the midst of the many complex issues found in our global community is the way of simplicity. This does not mean offering overly dogmatic or overly simplistic solutions. Simplicity cannot function apart from the rest of the Christian life. Practicing simplicity requires deep trust in the Lord of all life. Without radical trust in the Keeper of Promises, what we have and what we do will never be enough. It comes down to this: Do we really trust God to provide our daily bread?

Christian simplicity is about focusing on the One Thing Needful, allowing our lives to be shaped by our relationship with God. When we focus on our relationship with our loving God, the Divine slowly transforms everything about us changing the way we live in the world and relate to all of God’s creation. Over time, the discipline of simplicity creates more freedom in our schedules, eliminates the excess in our closets and our lives, frees us from our dependency on the opinions of others, deepens our relationships, creates compassionate hearts, and quiets our undisciplined craving for more.

The inner state of peace and power that affects all that we do outwardly is simplicity. It frees us from the constraints of our world until we, too, can sing with the Shakers:

‘Tis a gift to be simple
‘Tis a gift to be free!

Karla M. Kincannon, a writer and a former United Methodist campus minister, is the author of Creativity and Divine Surprise: Finding the Place of Your Resurrection.

Courtney Lobban enjoys a home cooked meal at the weekly dinner and devotional program at United Methodist related Hendrix College in Fayetteville, Ark. A UMNS photo courtesy of the Rev. J.J. Whitney.

A UMNS Feature
By Linda Green*

Graduating seniors involved in the fellowship program at a United Methodist-related college wanted to leave a legacy, so they turned the recipes for the meals they shared into a cookbook. The result is the Fellowship Cookbook, produced by students in the religious life program at Hendrix College in Conway, Ark. The book was inspired by a weekly dinner and devotional program started four years ago by the Rev. J.J. Whitney, the school’s assistant chaplain and coordinator of the Hendrix Lilly Vocations Initiative program.

Read more at www.umc.org.